Victim of the Female Gaze


This post is about the Female Gaze.

You may have heard of the male gaze.  So, the female gaze is in this case where the female is viewing a male (I guess hetronormative would be the happy buzz word of the day to insert here!)

Some say that women can’t gaze at men in the same way because patriarchy takes their power away.  There was an old song called Young Man Blues-that said-“In ye olde daze the young man made the rulz-but not no mo’.”  Just a little more poetic.  So maybe males, or some males don’t have the power that they are accused of having.

Hitherto, some say that male gaze doesn’t exist, so we are back to square one.

That’s two negatives, and what I know of math–which isn’t much– is that a double negative is a positive. So this is my story of being victimmized by the female gaze.  I’m not sure that I was victimized, but if I was, here is how it went 😉

I had a rough day at work, the weather was frikkin’ beautiful and I just wanted to decompress.  Off to my favorite clothing optional beach.  I walked down the treacherous trail.  The secluded beach is hidden from the city I live in by a huge cliff.  Just by being at this beach, it feels like I am in a different reality.

Well, just south of me there were three or four vixens tanning topless.  They were surrounded by a handful of guys that were known by the regulars as the Forty Year Old Virgins.  They liked to look at women.  Perhaps star is a better word.  Maybe, if male gaze existed, they were practitioners.  I don’t know and I didn’t care to inquire.  I walked north avoiding that little scene.

It was a week day and crowds were slim.  I found my own publicly private spot out in nature.  I threw my clothes behind a rock and walked ankle deep into the ocean.  The stress was flowing out of me.  My mind was becoming blank, my chakras were becoming aligned, my yin was yang or some kind of zen new age lingo.  I guess the old fashioned way of saying it was that I was starting to feel much better.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a lady walking my way.  She stopped, looked at me, smiled and resumed walking.  She was a petite blond.  I wasn’t sure what to make of this and didn’t really ponder the event.

<Change to present tense for cheesy artistic device analogous to changing from black and white to color in a movie>

A few moments roll by, I walk north along the coast.  The sky is magnificent.  The sun is still high in the sky.  The moist sand welcomes my foot steps.  Wind gently caresses me places that textiles don’t feel wind. blah blah.

I turn back south to my belongings.  The attractive blond from earlier is coming out of the water.  Her hair is matted down and she is wearing a blue bikini.  I can be shy at times, but she smiled at me earlier and I think it would be okay to chat with her.  I say, “Nice weather, we’re having” or some other throw away line.

She is turning her head, letting the water out of her ears and not fully comprehending what I said says “Thanks.”

She is friendly, we shake hands, exchange names.  This is the kind of banter two strangers might exchange in line at Starbucks.  Except we’re not at Starbucks and I’m buck naked.  I notice her accent and she tells me she is an ESL student studying English.  If I didn’t say it before, she. is. beautiful.

***Now it gets weird*** She askes, “Why are you naked?”

“Uh, I don’t know.  I like the freedom.  Why aren’t you?” I retort.

“Some thingse are prrivate.”  (Misspelling intentional to recreate cute accent)  She replies.

She looks down, staring right at my penis and smiles.  I go from zero to 60 in about 1.2 seconds if you get my drift.  I am so hard it hurts.

“I go to coast now.” She states as she starts moving away from me.

“Uh, sorry ’bout that. I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.” I say apologetically as my member throbs in the air.

“S’okay.” she mutters as she wanders out of my life forever.

<Change back to past tense to create reflective vibe>

At the time I felt a little humiliated. I’ve only told a few close friends but don’t mind sharing this anonomously over the internet. I guess my feelings were one’s of flattery, attraction, arousal, and then embarrassment. I don’t know wether she looked because of attraction towards me or curiosity about men’s bodies. I do not consider myself an exhibitionist but I was incredibly turned on by having an attractive woman approvingly look at my body.

I know that many people would’ve had a laugh at my expense (yes, this could’ve been a scene in an American Pie type movie.) I don’t know if that is just how the male body and male sexuality is viewed in western culture. There is a subgenre of porno I don’t understand called Clothed Female, Naked Male.  Maybe it has to do with the female gaze.  I really don’t know even though this was my CFMN experience.

Rock On!
Stoner With a Boner

13 thoughts on “Victim of the Female Gaze

  1. Saying this on a fellow feminist blog would get me slaughtered, but I strongly believe that you only get victimized by somebody’s gaze only if you really want to feel victimized. People can’t control whom they find attractive. Unless anybody is trying to touch me against my will, I have no problem with them staring. Why should I?

    1. Hiya Clarissa,

      Thanks for the reply.

      I think you are on to something. Someone only has as much power over you as you give them. Of course if someone punches you in the face, that is a whole other matter. It’s kind of like Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones But Words Will Never Hurt Me. But then again, we all live with the reality that words can cut deep…..

  2. Clothed Female Naked Male seems to me to be a subgenre of female domination porn.

    Since I’m into that a little bit ( I bottom and top with females if you know what I mean) some of those scenerios are enticing. I guess to me it’s like”well, she can see me in this most vulnerable way, what is she going to do?” which can be be played up for fear, sex, or laughter depending on the scenerio.

    Hope that helped.

    1. Hiya Clarence,

      Thanks for the reply.

      I mentioned CFNM as it may signify inequity between clothed/non-clothed parties. You mentioned vulnerability and this may have been where my “embarrassment” came from.

    2. It is not female domination if she sucks your cock. I enjoy the freedom of being naked. And as long as she is sucking my cock, I am not that concerned whether she is naked or clothed. In fact it is better she be clothed. Then I can come on her designer jeans.

  3. I gave a critique on this when it was posted on Hugo’s blog, and I still think that the tone of power is entirely different in this scenario, but, I think the more important question to ask is: Did YOU actually FEEL victimized? Getting an erection during the exchange doesn’t invalidate it if you do, but I don’t get the vibe from your writing that you yourself necessarily feel like “victimized” is the appropriate label… Embarassed, humiliation at the body-betrayal, absolutely, but victimized as it implies being taken advantage of… not really. Correct me if I’m wrong?

    1. Hiya Ari,

      Thanks for the Reply.

      I don’t feel that this woman was trying to hurt me or wished me ill will. As I was “embarrassed,” my feelings were hurt. Some may say that her looking at me may have been inappropriate. I don’t want to judge that action as inappropriate. Did I feel the same as if someone had stolen from me or punched me in the face. No, I did not. I understand the premise of feminism (guilty of oversimplifying) is that men have more power (due to historical circumstances) than women. Therefore she couldn’t have been viewing me from a position of power (if one accepts this viewpoint.) If one accepts more than one level of privilege, perhaps if she was wealthier or better educated than she could “look down upon me.”

      Someone mentioned (maybe it was you) that an element of the “male gaze” is that the men looking at women feel contempt for the women. I am not a mind reader so I don’t know what was going on in her head. She seemed to like looking at me and I can only guess if this was curiosity or sexual attraction. I did not feel as if she had contempt for me.

      I think there are multiple perspective to view this from.

      1. Ehh… I won’t attempt to explain the “premise” of feminism beyond Hugo’s point which is “gender equality.” It’s too much of a powderkeg and means diff things to diff people. Anywho, no I don’t mean that “therefore she couldn’t have been viewing you from a position of power”, she certainly could (or else all those submissive men out there are gonna be even MORE disappointed then they already are..!!), although your description and the default setting in society tends to suggest that she wasn’t really, apart from being clothed, which was optional at the time. Snowdrop Explodes has a really nice piece discussing the whole desire thing:

  4. you’ll never hear an MRA attempt to have a woman thrown in jail for gazing at him. or a sexual harassment claim, or false rape accusation, etc.

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