The Eternal Bachelor

“Teenage boys, goaded by their surging hormones run in packs like the primal horde. They have only a brief season of exhilarating liberty between control by their mothers and control by their wives.”— Camille Paglia

An Interesting debate occurred at Quiet Riot Girl’s site, and I threw in my two cents:

Lori Adorable, dissenting threw me in the direction of the above quote.  Here is  Lori’s site-

So, I don’t know a whole lot about Camille Paglia but the above quote resonated with me.  I’m not a fan of Charlie Sheen but there was something about his character on Two and a Half Men that I always liked.  He has money but he isn’t settling down.  He is staying in an extended adolescence.  He might be what many women these days call a “catch” but he isn’t allowing himself to be caught. I am not endorsing his personal life at all, just saying I relate to part of his character’s persona.

I was raised by a single mother.  I saw my father sometimes.  I saw my uncles more.  I didn’t have a strong sense of manhood.  This might explain some of the reasons I am interested in sociology/gender dynamics.  My interest in sexuality is “self evident”–just like my interest in food 😉

Hope You All Have a Great Memorial Day Weekend!

Rock On!

Stoner With a Boner

Repost-Victim of the Female Gaze

(hahahaha-I decided to repost my first article to celebrate 1000 views-I is now a big time blogger!!!)


This post is about the Female Gaze.

You may have heard of the male gaze.  So, the female gaze is in this case where the female is viewing a male (I guess hetronormative would be the happy buzz word of the day to insert here!)

Some say that women can’t gaze at men in the same way because patriarchy takes their power away.  There was an old song called Young Man Blues-that said-”In ye olde daze the young man made the rulz-but not no mo’.”  Just a little more poetic.  So maybe males, or some males don’t have the power that they are accused of having.

Hitherto, some say that male gaze doesn’t exist, so we are back to square one.

That’s two negatives, and what I know of math–which isn’t much– is that a double negative is a positive. So this is my story of being victimmized by the female gaze.  I’m not sure that I was victimized, but if I was, here is how it went ;)

I had a rough day at work, the weather was frikkin’ beautiful and I just wanted to decompress.  Off to my favorite clothing optional beach.  I walked down the treacherous trail.  The secluded beach is hidden from the city I live in by a huge cliff.  Just by being at this beach, it feels like I am in a different reality.

Well, just south of me there were three or four vixens tanning topless.  They were surrounded by a handful of guys that were known by the regulars as the Forty Year Old Virgins.  They liked to look at women.  Perhaps star is a better word.  Maybe, if male gaze existed, they were practitioners.  I don’t know and I didn’t care to inquire.  I walked north avoiding that little scene.

It was a week day and crowds were slim.  I found my own publicly private spot out in nature.  I threw my clothes behind a rock and walked ankle deep into the ocean.  The stress was flowing out of me.  My mind was becoming blank, my chakras were becoming aligned, my yin was yang or some kind of zen new age lingo.  I guess the old fashioned way of saying it was that I was starting to feel much better.

Out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a lady walking my way.  She stopped, looked at me, smiled and resumed walking.  She was a petite blond.  I wasn’t sure what to make of this and didn’t really ponder the event.

<Change to present tense for cheesy artistic device analogous to changing from black and white to color in a movie>

A few moments roll by, I walk north along the coast.  The sky is magnificent.  The sun is still high in the sky.  The moist sand welcomes my foot steps.  Wind gently caresses me places that textiles don’t feel wind. blah blah.

I turn back south to my belongings.  The attractive blond from earlier is coming out of the water.  Her hair is matted down and she is wearing a blue bikini.  I can be shy at times, but she smiled at me earlier and I think it would be okay to chat with her.  I say, “Nice weather, we’re having” or some other throw away line.

She is turning her head, letting the water out of her ears and not fully comprehending what I said says “Thanks.”

She is friendly, we shake hands, exchange names.  This is the kind of banter two strangers might exchange in line at Starbucks.  Except we’re not at Starbucks and I’m buck naked.  I notice her accent and she tells me she is an ESL student studying English.  If I didn’t say it before, she. is. beautiful.

***Now it gets weird*** She askes, “Why are you naked?”

“Uh, I don’t know.  I like the freedom.  Why aren’t you?” I retort.

“Some thingse are prrivate.”  (Misspelling intentional to recreate cute accent)  She replies.

She looks down, staring right at my penis and smiles.  I go from zero to 60 in about 1.2 seconds if you get my drift.  I am so hard it hurts.

“I go to coast now.” She states as she starts moving away from me.

“Uh, sorry ’bout that. I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable.” I say apologetically as my member throbs in the air.

“S’okay.” she mutters as she wanders out of my life forever.

<Change back to past tense to create reflective vibe>

At the time I felt a little humiliated. I’ve only told a few close friends but don’t mind sharing this anonomously over the internet. I guess my feelings were one’s of flattery, attraction, arousal, and then embarrassment. I don’t know wether she looked because of attraction towards me or curiosity about men’s bodies. I do not consider myself an exhibitionist but I was incredibly turned on by having an attractive woman approvingly look at my body.

I know that many people would’ve had a laugh at my expense (yes, this could’ve been a scene in an American Pie type movie.) I don’t know if that is just how the male body and male sexuality is viewed in western culture. There is a subgenre of porno I don’t understand called Clothed Female, Naked Male.  Maybe it has to do with the female gaze.  I really don’t know even though this was my CFMN experience.

Rock On!
Stoner With a Boner

Has, Hasn’t, Hasn’t but Wants Too…

This is a fun game you can play while out and about….

If you have friends who are good humored you can introduce them to the game….

Has, Hasn’t, Hasn’t but Wants Too… refers to a sex act (the grosser the better)….

So for example if you are sitting down at cafe and can see people walking by on the street, you can say has, has, hasn’t, has, hasn’t, hasn’t but wants to, has…..

Eventually, your friends may ask what you are referring to and then you can say had a dick up their butt. (Or whatever sex act you think is funny.)  If you don’t care about being sexist, you might only point out the ladies, but especially if the act is receiving but sex, it is always fun to throw a few guys who walk by into the mix.  It is even more funny if they are really big, off duty police officer/military types….

….this has given me hours of cheap laughs….

I must thank that weird guy who sings for some crusty grindcore band for showing me the game on Hollywood Blvd a few years back….

Framing Language

Well, reading along the blogosphere I’ve seen many arguments and participated in a few…..

I’m becoming more aware that things are said a certain way to steer a conversation in a certain direction…..

If you name a movement one thing it is perceived one way and a different way with another name…..

There is Pro-Life and then Pro-Choice….

Interestingly enough, I’m reading The Political Mind by George Lakeoff:

“….Part of the power of political language is that the ideas expressed are processed reflexively. You can’t notice most of what you are thinking most of the time!”

“…I am suggesting a conscious discussion of the “war on terrror” metaphor as a metaphor-a manipulative metaphor designed for conservative power.  Openly discussion the war metaphor as a metaphor would allow the case to be made that terrorism is most effectively treated as a crime-like wiping out a crime syndicate-not as an occasion for sending abroad more than a hundred thousand troops and perpetrating massive bombings that only recruit more terrorists.” p.129

Here’s some more on wikipedia…

Scarey stuff….

Dealing with a Bully….

Last time I dealt with a bully, I got in a bigger guy’s face and said “Look man, I was the least popular kid in my high school.  My face got beat more than your penis and we both know that’s allot.  I’ve been in a few fights for sure.  I might be smaller than you, I’m not that weak though.  I will take getting my ass kicked over taking a big guy’s shit any day of the week.  But you’ve gotta access the risk for you.  If I win, you look like a total fag.  If you win, your still gonna get some bruises and everyone’s gonna say that little fuck has some major balls.” He backed down.  It was funny.

Sex Club


Well, a search on informed me that the was a sex club less than a quarter mile from were I lived.  Curiosity got the better of me and I found myself there last evening. I paid a cover and disrobed.  According to the rules men are naked and women wear lingerie. The hostess walked a group of us around a huge house and explained the rules.  The bottom floor had a dancefloor and bar  where people mingled.  Upstairs was where couples got naughty.  There was a pool and jacuzzi in the back yard and as well as a large guest house.  It was like a huge house party.  There was fried chicken and salad.  I found myself talking to a cute woman, didn’t quite work up enough courage to ask if she wanted to play upstairs though.

I further explored the house and there was a “glory hole.”  Men were sticking there penises into a little hole to be serviced.  I observed this with morbid curiosity but was unable to muster the courage to give it a go–for who knows what lurks beyond the glory hole….

The novelty of the place was wearing off and I was thinking of leaving.  I found myself eye to eye with the most attractive woman in the place.  We began speaking and she had a European accent.  She was wearing a see through bikini.  At one point she put her fingers through my hair.  I was caressing her shoulders.  This time, courage was not a problem and I asked if she would like to go upstairs.  She said that wasn’t how she operated but that we could dance a little on the dance floor.

Well, as far as dancing, I’ve got two left feet.  “Laura” (not her name, but this is what I’ll call her) did more of a bump and grind strip tease.  This left me in an excited state.  She then pulled a few of the ladies sitting around onto the floor.  I quickly surveyed the room, the men were to busy looking at the women to care about my boner and the few women who made eye contact with me gave an approving smile.  “Laura” was now dancing with the ladies but would occasionally bump and grind me and caress my body.  More of the men wandered onto the dance floor.

A few moments later, I wandered over to the bar with “Laura.”  She introduced me to her two male “friends.” We uncomfortably shook hands.  The next half hour revolved around “Laura” moving between the rooms on the first floor and each of us trying to follow her without staying on her tail.  I was beginning to wonder if this was some kind of game.  Would she pick the one who somehow pursued her the most intently but least desperately?  Were we all oversteeping her boundaries?  I really wasn’t sure and felt a bit apprehensive.  She would send me some token attention when we were both on the dance floor then give one of the other guys some attention at the bar.

The “game” continued.  At one point, one of the guys waived me over to the bar.  He gave me a menacing look and said that I kept running into him.  Then he patted me on the shoulder and said he was really drunk with a large grin.   My mind was racing.  I was playing a “game” that countless men and women had played over the millenia.  Anyone who has ever owned a dog knows the fierce intensity with which they will chase a ball.  All three of us men were rivals but played the role of “buddies.”  We were also very similar in that we desired the same woman.  I was worried that a fight may break out, but against my better judgement I kept playing the “game.”  I couldn’t pull myself away. At this point, I just stayed near the dance floor.  “Laura” hovered between the bar and the dance floor.  She gave me cursory attention then some to the other guys at the bar.  I didn’t have high expectation for the evening but I couldn’t just pull myself away either.

Well, the “game” changed.  A Bride to Be and her Bridesmaids brought the party back to life.   I was still at the dancefloor.  They surrounded the floor.  A few of the Bridesmaids danced with disinterest.  At one point the Bride to Be asked me to shake “it ” for her.  She asked for me to dance closer.  She caressed my chest and then lightly touched my privates.  She was definitely good natured and in high spirits. She said she loved my chest hair but said I should trim my pubes closer.  I told her since we were in a sex club and that this was her last night of freedom that it would be rude if I didn’t offer to take her upstairs.  She thanked me for the offer but gave a non-committal answer.  The evening had well entered into the wee hours of morning.   I found myself engaged in one of the most interesting conversations of my life with the Bachelorette party and a few random fellas.  I didn’t get laid but it was definitely entertaining. 😉

Rock On!

Stoner With A Boner