The Benefit of the Doubt….

A little while back, Eagle33 wrote a post called Bullied By Girls and Women: One Man’s Account. He “had to deal with an ongoing pattern of hurt and abuse by girls and women. But the worst part was, no one believed him.” Now, it’s a tough read and the comments section is even tougher. It will probably challenge many of your notions about gender no matter what side of the fence you are on….

Eagle33 then goes on to say “But there’s the gritty, grimy side of set patterns; mentalities that gnaw away at your resolve, uphold an ostracising status quo. If you’ve been through the brunt of it, the wounds aren’t quick to heal. Worse, you begin to wonder if there is a place out there for your situation.”

He has mentioned some things as triggering for him at TGMP in the article and comments section and at Feminist Critics. In his reply to me at Feminist Critics, he says “And Stoner, I specified that I don’t like Strong Female Protagonists that are elevated at the expense of the male protagonist and/or have a tendancy to belittle and hurt the male protagonist or the supporting male protagonists while getting away with it.”

Now in the comments section of the article, someone by the tag of L who identifies as a Feminist states “That said, the author’s last part about not being comfortable with strong female characters bothers me… quite a bit, actually. Not saying that his personal avoidance is damaging, but it’s important to note that there is a strong hesitance to accept “strong” female personalities in this culture, especially ones that don’t also fit the heteronormative narrative of conventional beauty. Men who also see themselves as Nice Guy™ victims at the hands of a cruel female population are often the ones that turn into stark raving misogynists. It’s not difficult to see how that attitude can manifest itself as slut-shaming or victim blaming, or excusing rape, or even something as pervasive and innocuous as indulging in male power fantasies, where strong female personalities are often fetishized and tortured (as punishment for being threatening).”

Perhaps L was trying to take an article about males and turn it into one about women-many Feminists make that claim when men go into a Feminist site and have coined a condescending phrase “what about teh menz.” I’m not a mind reader and I don’t know specifically what L’s agenda may or may not be.

I’ve read thousands of different articles and commented on hundreds at this point. I don’t claim to be an expert in any way but I have seen similar patterns emerge over and over again. Women will be complaining about street harassment. A man will wander into the conversation and ask something along the lines of “Well, what is the proper way for a (socially awkward) man to approach women.” He may often be shouted out. When he tries to defend himself, he’ll be called a “mansplainer” or a misogynist. He may be treated with accusations of derailing the conversation. That may lead to further insults and comments like “It’s not our job to tell you how to get laid, we’re here to talk about HARASSMENT.” While I can understand their frustration and I do agree it is not those women’s jobs to deal with that man’s issues, I almost feel like saying at least throw a tidbit of information and compassion that guy’s way just so he doesn’t go running off to Roissy/Heartiste. What I am not saying is these women particularly owe said man anything. When Elevatorgate started showing up around the blogsphere, I stayed away as I knew it was going to get UGLY….

Now, if your reading this blog, you may be familiar with Schrödinger’s Rapist Here’s a section: “To begin with, you must accept that I set my own risk tolerance. When you approach me, I will begin to evaluate the possibility you will do me harm. That possibility is never 0%. For some women, particularly women who have been victims of violent assaults, any level of risk is unacceptable. Those women do not want to be approached, no matter how nice you are or how much you’d like to date them. Okay? That’s their right. Don’t get pissy about it. Women are under no obligation to hear the sales pitch before deciding they are not in the market to buy.”

Now I can appreciate what she is saying, she is saying that she decides what is “safe,” not the “approacher.” However, as with many concepts surrounding “rape culture” there is a presumption of guilt. Ask any man if that makes him “feel” good. Would you “feel” good if every time you went to the mall, you got a dirty look from the security guard? Well for me personally, that and the awful parking is enough to make me do most my shopping online.

What is going on with these “discussions,” are people trying to get a bigger view of the world or just get better at arguing….

I don’t know….

I really don’t know….

Should you give someone a benefit of the doubt they may not be willing to give you….

5 thoughts on “The Benefit of the Doubt….

  1. Off topic : I have to say I loved your comments yesterday on clarisses article. In fact, I’m writing an article where I’m featuring your comments. It’s about schroedingers rapist in part.

    You are much more eloquen than I am. When I read the comment where you brought up nice guy bashin to Clarisse, I was like “I wIsh I wrote that” lol.

  2. In general, whenever someone uses a gender studies word like “heteronormative” I just try to tune them out. It’s a sign that the speaker is getting ready to create a bunch of academic strawmen and knock it down with glittering generalizations. Sort of like economists and their rational actor.

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