The R-Type Fetish Continues or: How I Learned to Stop Worrying and Love Being Omega


Well, I’ve been on a video game kick lately. And with a fridge full of beer, it gets temping to spend all my evenings lightly buzzed and playing games. Quick, someone warn Hugo Schwyzer–I am hurting teh womenz by “opting out.” Never mind that I haven’t tried to kill an ex-girlfriend in a drug fueled rage or bragged about cuckolding another man and laughing that a child doesn’t know his true paternity. For I am not a high status professor, therefore I must be a patriarchy inspired misogynist (TM.) Does that make me a basement brigade boy? Well, I support myself so that also must make me a misogynist because I’m not supporting a wife nor am I living with mommy. “Enough about you, lets talk about me” as Schwyzer is rumored to have said before banging his students… or was it “You DO want to pass this class, we can work out an arrangement.”

Anyways I must be making up for lost time. Today I downloaded the demoes for Unreal Tournament 2003 and 2004 respectively. I found 2003 to be a bit smoother than 2004. I also found the mouse om my computer a better controller than the X Box 360 when I played Unreal 3. Went on a mountainbike ride and then hit the weights but lets keep that on the down low as that doesn’t go with the slacker omega man status quo.

I found myself at a video game store that specializes in old systems and games. I guess you could say I felt cognitive dissonance. I was gleefully happy to look over the great games before me but couldn’t help thinking that as a grown man I should be doing something more useful with my time and money. I suppose my predicament was similar to the male feminist in a porno shop. He is quite happy to browse but afraid of being found out. Then he cleverly realizes he can just say it is all for research about the eville patriarchy. Well, since I’m blogging, does that count as research? I found R Types for Playstation. Then I found out The PS2 is backwards compatible and that I could buy one for $40. Well, for $65 damage to my wallet, I was walking out with a smile on my face. Oh, and much like the male feminist in a comparable scenario, my guilty pleasures were in a black plastic bag 😉

Hooked up the Playstation with the oldschool red, yellow and white pluggy thingies going into the back of my television. Flipped in the black disk. Interestingly enough, this has R-Type I and R-Type II. Looks to be similar to what is known as R-Type Dimensions for the 360. I have played the demo of Dimensions and I can say the Playstation controller seems more accurate and responsive. Maybe it’s the cord vs wireless or maybe the 360 controller just ain’t all that.

I’m sure the haters will say I’m in some kind of extended adolescence. Funny for me though, I really feel like this is the first time where I’m doing my thing. Well, I am getting all my bills paid and the process of doing that (work) is one part degrading, two parts mind numbing and one part a reminder that my life is slowly slipping away. I’ve always known that “keeping up with the Jonses'” is a fools game. I’m sure there are those who say I should “man up.” I should go for one of those single mom’s. Y’know a lady who years ago wouldn’t of looked at me twice and hooked up with the edgier guys and now wants a stable “nice” guy. Nah, not for me. Or maybe I could find one of those go-getter career gals. She could condescendingly brag how she’s climbing the corporate ladder while I’m just treading water. Then I could try to convince myself that she’s my soulmate and not my competitor but I don’t think I have that much talent for self deception. But of course I’ve got to read Clarisse Thorn’s books and get Amanda Marcotte’s matriarchal approval before I am worthy enough to even approach a woman. Or I could go out to some dive bar and start a conversation with a guy generally my age. I’ll feel like a therapist when he talks about debt, divorce and debt. And I won’t be getting paid for this in fact I’ll be paying an exploitative markup for beer that isn’t even as good as what’s in my fridge. Yeah, I think you might’ve seen those article’s saying that I’m a bad guy. The one’s saying I ought to “man up.” The one’s saying how I get all the responsibilities and none of the benefits ’cause donchya know, I must be sooo privileged even though you haven’t walked a single day in my fuckin’ shoes. I am that thing whose only purpose in life is my utility to others. My parents generation left a fucked world with debt while they got their baby boomer riches. More and more looking out for Number One and opting out not only seems like a sane response to an insane situation but also an ethical response to an unethical world. No, O’Bama, I ain’t gonna fight your war in the shithole middle east. No, PUA guru’s I ain’t gonna but your stupid e-book for the amazon kindle. No, ladies with crappy attitudes, I’m not gonna sit there and listen to how bad all those guys you hooked up with were. No, guy who works two jobs and has a new ride I’m not gonna listen to you whine about your 532 credit score.

Even with videogames and beer, I still get lonely. I want to get a dog. Anyways,
I got an amazon giftcard, time to track down some oldschool shooters…..