Lick That Kitty, You Misogynistic Douchebag (Reprint)

I had originally published a short post here.

I further expanded upon those ideas here.

It then appeared at Inmalafide on Oct.5,2011. A few editorial changes were made, not by me. It may have increased readability but unfortunately changed what I was trying to say. Below is the original draft I sent to Ferdidnand Bardimu:

Lick That Kitty, You Misogynistic Douchebag!!!!

My interest in sociology, gender and kink takes me across blogsphere, sometimes even into Feminist territory. I’ve seen some interesting posts at Feministe lately. Jill Filipovic has a post where she states that heterosexual men who don’t like giving oral sex are misogynists. The article is called Dealbreaker Indeed. She also has an article entitled In Defense of Period Sex. She states “I have met a grand total of one dude in my entire life who was like “no” on the period sex (for the record, he wasn’t saying no in the moment; it was a general conversation, not a negotiation). His reasoning was “it’s gross.” And when I stopped seeing him approximately 24 hours after that conversation, my reasoning was, “I don’t want to be with someone who thinks that a natural, healthy uterus-having body is gross.”

Amanda Marcotte has stated her dislike of something that occurs naturally on the face of most men. Here is the snipet from Pandagon: “*Beards. Hate ‘em. I don’t mean like a couple day’s stubble that you routinely remove, but like a full-on beard. It’s not like I wouldn’t be friends with a guy with a beard, but kissing a dude with a beard puts me way off. I’m super glad to be off the market in our times of “mountain man” being a style. I object to that style in total, but also just really don’t like beards, which I refer to as “germ farm face pube crumb catchers”….” So using the logic of her sister-in-arms, Jill, does that not make her something most feminists claim doesn’t exist–a misandrist?

Below is a video of a great guy who probably performed countless acts of cunnilingus and had an awesome beard….

Now I love Dimebag’s great guitar playing, but furthermore, he was truly a larger than life character. I’m not trying to psychoanalyze the guy–he obviously had an image as a rebel. Dime wasn’t following the corporate business casual dress code or playing by the rules to get laid by mainstream women. He had a persona that yelled to the world, “This is who I am and I don’t give a fuck.” A beard was a part of that, perhaps not essential, but a part for sure…..

A beard is a secondary sex characteristic of an adult male. Some men such as Sikhs and Hasidic Jews use it as part of their cultural identity. Some men may hide facial imperfections such as a double chin with this. And if this strikes you as deceptive, women can hide large ears with longer hair if they choose. (I won’t even bring makeup or high heels into this.)
Surely, many men opt to shave their facial hair to placate women or be more competitive in the corporate work environment. That is their body and their choice.

At the risk of getting into politically incorrect territory here–howabout looking at things from another viewpoint. Let’s say you see a guy with a “No Fat Chicks” bumper sticker on his pickup–I think even non-feminist, mainstream women might call him a misogynist or at the very least a jerk. However, isn’t being overweight a lifestyle choice. Granted, it’s not the same choice as what to wear in the morning. It is lifestyle choices of exercise and diet compounded over months and years. Understood, there are some people with medical problems that can’t lose the weight but the point still holds for the majority. Isn’t the man with the bumper sticker merely voicing a preference, even if rudely?

As far as Jill Filipovic’s Dealbreakers–Alright, I can appreciate how someone might desire certain sex acts. I also think it is wrong for someone to aggressively push their needs onto a reluctant partner. It would be up to the couple to discuss and negotiate their boundaries. If they could not reach an agreement–fair enough, maybe it is time for them to break up. However, calling someone a misogynist seems like a manipulative bullying move. It seems to say I want this and you owe it to me because of my politics. Would a women who didn’t give blow jobs be considered a misandrist? Maybe she has a gag reflex, maybe she just doesn’t like the taste. Being intimate with your partner shouldn’t be about feeling forced into pleasing the other. Ideally, it should be a situation where both parties are fulfilled. Some men love eating pussy and some men don’t. Some women love sucking cock and some don’t. Really, it’s a matter of compatibility.

5 thoughts on “Lick That Kitty, You Misogynistic Douchebag (Reprint)

  1. Great post, too bad you brought it down with ONE line:

    However, isn’t being overweight a lifestyle choice.

    (laughs hysterically)

    Are you young? When you pass 50 and your metabolism permanently changes (lack of growth hormone), I guess you’ll find out what a “choice” it is.

  2. PS: I am curious as to why she chose a pic of a hairless pussy cat… if the cat had hair (haha), would she be sympathetic about why men might not want to? I find that picture a judgment on those of us who don’t wax.

    See? No end to PC, if you choose to see everything that way.

  3. Good point about the fact that sexual negotiations should be spoken about. I know that if more partners did this (NOT in the heat of the moment) there would be fewer misunderstandings and hurt feelings.

    As you might know from my blog, I’ve been sexually active since about age 22, and only with one male FwB. In our nearly 8 years of casual relationship, we’ve done lots of things like period sex, anal sex, oral sex, light-moderate BDSM play, and just vanilla lovemaking. I know our whatever-this-is won’t last forever, but I’m thankful to have such a fantastic partner who helped me learn that sexuality didn’t have to be humiliating, painful, or degrading.

    As such, I can honestly say I know what I’d want and expect from future partners. If they want me to go down on them, but refuse to do so on me…that’s a dealbreaker. If they want to do anal, but refuse to let me play with their back door…sorry, no can do. If they want certain body parts to be smooth and hairless (which I prefer anyway) but will not accept that I find bearded men very unattractive…then I’d not share sex with that person.

    I’m all for people having their own preferences, and I wouldn’t be offended if someone told me that my wide hips/blonde hair/height/skin color was unattractive to them. After all, that’s *their* prerogative, and I have no right to tell them they’re “wrong”. But I would take issue with a partner who holds me to Standard X, yet uses Standard Y for themselves.

    Then again, this could be my INTJ talking…I hold others to my standard all the time, so I feel it’s disingenuous when people make exceptions that only apply to their life/decisions.

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