….flirting with death….

When I was 21, I got sick of being alive. I was drinking heavily and life was feeling like a dark tunnel. I couldn’t see any happiness in the future and memories of the past were filled with rage and pain….

Well, I had quite the reputation of having a lead foot. Yeah, I loved driving fast. One day, I was feeling that tunnel of despair more than I could take. I was hurting from last night’s drinking session. I was driving on an icy road. I just felt so fucking angry. I hit the gas and threw the steering wheel. I couldn’t believe how fast the car was going when I hit the guard rail. I fishtailed and hit a ditch. The car flipped over. I thought back to all the times I’d seen car wrecks in movies and thought the car would explode. I unbuckled my seatbelt, fell onto the roof, managed to open the door and wrangled myself out. The tires were still spinning….

Eventually a cop pulled up, he called a tow truck. Said something to the effect of “Black ice’ll get ya every time, I see this everyday.” If the car wasn’t totaled when I flipped it, it sure was when the tow truck flipped it back over again.

Yeah, I didn’t tell my immediate family what was going on, just that I hit a patch of ice. I realized I needed to get out of my living situation, the negativity of the people around me and all the drinking. I know people will say I need to go to therapy, I don’t see the point of paying some asshole over $100 an hour. Heck, if I could afford to pay $100 an hour, this would be more fun. I know what put me in a dark place and it was more important to get off my ass and make changes than to sit around and complain about it….

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