…witnessed an assault…

A few years back, during my “lean years” (is that PC enough for fucking broke) I was walking along a pay parking lot. I heard yelling. It was a guy and a girl. As this was late Saturday night or perhaps early Sunday morning, they were probably coming from one of the bars or nightclubs. They were the well dressed, rich douche types who came here for “flavor” or whatever. The yelling continued. The guy pushed the girl to the ground. She yelled. He kicked her. She cried. He stomped her.

I felt numb, time slowed down. Yeah, anyone whose smoked some bad shit might have had similar perceptions in different scenarios. Maybe I was having a flashback to my early childhood when mommy and daddy would slap each other around-or to use that happy term I learned from MRA’s, when they were “mutually combative.” I didn’t own a cell at the time and wouldn’t have given my information to LE anyways. The payphones in the area pretty much had all the handset’s ripped off them. There was the vague notion that I should be doing something more than observing. I was smaller than the guy, but he had likely been drinking. Despite my numbness, I was completely sober. I probably coulda gotten the drop on him, hit him in the back of the head. Knocked him down then ran the hell out…

Yeah, I know what I was *supposed* to do…

I remember growing up that I was told to never hit girls….

“What about when they hit me first?”

Silence…

“But can I defend my–”

–No, DON’T HIT GIRLS. MEN DON’T HIT WOMEN.

…all this told to me by a mother who regularly got into sparring matches with my father…

well, surprise, surprise, they got a divorce. I didn’t see my father that often, I kinda grew up without a positive male role model. But I knew what I was *supposed* to do. Hollywood movies burned that into my brain. I was supposed to walk into that lot with my chest puffed out. I was supposed to risk my safety for a woman who most likely wouldn’t even give me the time of day. I was supposed to say “Real men don’t hit women.” Then let him take a shot at me. Then knock him out with one punch. Then offer her my hand while her adoring eyes gave me a look over. That’s how it is in the movies. Well, I didn’t play out that White Knight porno fantasy. I just watched and then when it was too painful, too awkward, too uncomfortable… ..well, I just walked on. And pretended I didn’t see a thing. And every so often I think of this little scene. And there’s this weird icky feeling that goes along with it. It’s kind of like embarrassment but just a little darker. Well, with embarrassment, I can tell those stories and then people start to laugh. And then I get to laugh and they might be laughing at me instead of with me but I can kind of pretend that they are laughing with me and it is okay. But this is different. I guess the emotionally mature would label this icky feeling as guilt. I felt guilty that I didn’t “man up.”

6 thoughts on “…witnessed an assault…

  1. I think the guilty feeling might come more from the idea that the male was beating on a smaller, weaker female. I would imagine if she was bigger and holding her own you wouldnt feel so bad. Defending smaller, weaker, defenless people, if possible, is probably what we would all like to do.

  2. I witnessed something worse. I was a security guard. A man was outside a car – having an argument with the woman in the car – the car was running – he was walking away from the car – and she kept yelling at him. She bumped him slightly with the car (hit him with her driving). He walked to the drivers side window (rolled down) – and put his fist in it about a dozen times.

    I radioed in what was going on, even though it was not part of the area I was patrolling.

    The man walked away from the car.

    The engine suddenly revved wildly, and she plowed the man right over – he flew up on the hood and made a yell.

    I radioed in again to call a paramedic.

    Even though it was not my “patrol area”, it is illegal to not report a hit and run.

    I gave a detailed police report to EXACTLY what happened.

    I cannot say I felt sorry for either one of them.

    Allowing a woman to get an emotional rise out of you is despicable, Just walk away – and do not get angry.

    Maintain the moral high ground.

    1. From the sound of it he was trying to walk away. But I think that’s a big part of the problem when it comes to partner violence. It seems that the violence is okay until the guy hits the woman. If she hits him it’s all good but as soon as he hits her then all hell breaks loose.

      If violence is a problem and we want to prevent it then let’s do so but let’s not try to convince ourselves that violence doesn’t start until a man hits a woman.

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