well, I found this crappy article that starts with a picture of some guy who must be in a Metallica tribute band because he looks like the lite version of James Hetfeild…
it has a meticulous list of what exacting standards I must be to be a mighty Dewd Broe ™ ….
1). Are your male friends dudes who you actually talk to about stuff other than sports and whatever woman you’ve most recently banged?
Well, my best male friend was my dog. If he could’ve talked, I’m sure he woulda bragged about all the ass he got, he was a playa…
2). Do you find women genuinely interesting human beings who you enjoy knowing as people, or do you think they’re really advanced blow-up dolls whose main benefits (vaginas, boobs) are often out-shadowed by serious downsides (opinions, nagging)?
Most womyn are mean. I avoid them so as to avoid the harsh stares that I may be Schrodinger’s Rapist ™…
3). Do you use phrases like “that’s so gay” to deride something you don’t like? Do you regularly call other men “fags” when they do something you think is stupid?
Um, I don’t think I’ve ever referred to Hugo Schwyzer, David Futrelle or Anders Brevik’s orientations. But I have left links to the American History X buttrape scene when “talking” to White Nationalists in the manosphere-does that count?
4). If someone gets testy when you use words like fag, do you defend yourself with someone version of, “But I have a friend who’s gay!”?
I avoid friendships with gay men as I don’t want them offering me wine late at night and telling me to be “open minded.” Hahaha, if that makes me a homophobe, how come the feminasties claim they aren’t misandrist when they talk about Rape Culture and Schrodinger’s Rapist?
5). Did you vote for Mitt Romney?
No, I voted for Rosanne Barr.
6). If you didn’t vote for Mitt Romney, is it because politics is just, like so gay?
No, I voted for a comedian because politics is a fucking joke. Your obsession with gayness is really creepy.
7). Is targeting a really drunk girl the best way to get laid? Do you think girls get wasted so that their inhibitions will be lowered and they’ll do you?
I understand that becoming a Rock Star or professional athlete usually works. Drunk girls are annoying, have stinky breathe and usually puke unexpectedly….
8). Do you know what negging is? Is it a tactic you’ve employed in your dating life?
If I ever save up enough cash to hire a high class prostitute, I’ll try it to see if I can get a discount or freebee.
9). Do you think Judd Apatow is a comic genius? Did you think the same thing about Pauley Shore ten years ago?
I don’t know who Judd Apatow is. Was Pauly Shore in Bill and Ted’s Excellent Adventure?
10). Am I a fat, ugly, man-hating dyke bitch for writing this article?
You are certainly man-hating. I don’t know why hateful women are referred to as bitches, it is seriously disrespectful to female dogs. I read your article about oral sex, and I don’t think I’d go down on you even if you offered me a thousand bucks. As far as being fat, I dunno, if your waist size is more than half the measurement of your height, it may be time to putt down the twinkies and mountain dew…
I am not rich enough, white enough or mainstream enough to be a Dewd Broe ™
Oh, well I guess Michael Kimmel won’t bother to write about me. I’m invisible. I don’t exist….