the “morality” of the disposable.

why lie, I wanted to be a fucking rock star…

I wanted the attention,and all the love I didn’t get in my shitty childhood…

Women, done that, drugs, yup that too…

I’m sure if my dreams panned out it would’ve been 10x, no 100x…

…but they didn’t so now I’m crying to you instead of sitting on some overpriced psychotherapist’s couch…

So, I needed to pay the bills…

and the economy hit the shits…

–remember 2008–I sure as fuck do…

…and the only jobs were sleazy sales jobs or fast food…

…well, at least with fast food, I’d’ve gotten a free meal, maybe…

…but with sales, if I could hit the bonuses,if i could make commission-then I could pay for food, and housing, and transportation, and not be homeless…

…and, yeah, somehow, I don’t think that’s a reality that some cunt empowered ™ upper middle class white womyn like Marcotte or Valenti ever faced my economic situation-but somehow I’m the one with privilege ™ because, like patriarchy, donchya know…

So I did what I could…

first selling pens and promotional magnets–y’know, the ones you’d get when you go to a pizza shop…

then I weaseled, er, talked my way into a technology company…

part-time hours, but for a broke ass bastard, it was almost full time pay. Of course no healthcare, and as a 1099, I had to pay a higher tax burden-but, donchya know I’m privileged ™ because, like patriarchy…

Hit the phones hard, but the boss was a histrionic alpha cry baby. Yup, just like that voice for men, Paul Elam, he probably thinks he’s something spechul, but high status men shitting on lower status men is not a new thing…

started reading blogs around this time too. Saw talk of “game.” Well, throwing yourself at womyn ain’t so different than cold calling like a mutherfucker, Some will give ya the time of day, some will throw a drink in your face but it’s one call in 478.9543 to find one down to fuck, er close a deal. So, I could see most that game stuff was all talk. “Act” alpha–cold call with a deep voice. Control the conversation, show you have value. Whatever, in the past 5 years, I’ve probably made 50,000+ cold calls. That ain’t bragging, that just shows how low status I am. But, you’ll hear some closet case like Chuck Rudd or Clarence in Baltimore say they’re better than me because, HBD. Whatever, this low status half breed hasn’t gotten a single penny from affirmative action. Not a penny from welfare, and I’ve probably paid far more in taxes than those race realist booty boi’s-whose the real leach now mutherfucker??? Anyyways, there were a shit-ton of days where I was ready to break down into tears after dealing with rejection after rejection–but there’s this magical nectar called beer that makes pain go away even if your head really hurts the next day. Butt hey, that’s what coffee is for, right??? So, I knew from my gut that those PUA’s were really selling a “bill of goods.” Some women would be down to fuck just like some customers would buy what you peddle, but in finding those few, you’d have to survive soul crushing rejection after soul crushing rejection. So, really, any PUA who tells you you won’t need balls of steel and deal with a bunch of bullshit is lying through his teeth. Sure, go buy the sales manual, er PUA book and pretend your “empowered.”

Back to that histrionic “alpha” crybaby…

..after being yelled at because I didn’t have enough “confidence” even though I was able to bring in a killer deal, well, you get to the point you just don’t give a fuck. So there was that last time that self styled Elam would yell at me. He was bigger than me but he probably couldn’t kick my ass in a fight. After years of living frugally, I had about 10k in the bank. I didn’t quite tell him to go fuck himself but I refused a deal that wasn’t in my best interest. He threw a hissy fit. Threw his phone on the ground like a crazy high school girl. I re-ran the events in my head a few times and if I was the “dead weight” some said I was, he should have been happy to see me go. But I know when I walked out that door-and I still ain’t sure if I quit or was fired, he really saw at least 40k of value –or to put it another way– a resource that refused to let him extract more waling out the fucking door. Yeah, it wasn’t PUA or MRA blogs that told me to value myself but the filthiest of the filthy-motherfuckers like stardusk and Barbarosaaa that let me realize I had value outside of my utility to others–but that’s a rant for another day…

Spent most of 2014 whittling down my savings. 1099 doesn’t get fat cat unemployment-pull yourself up by the bootstraps you worthless piece of shit….

Took a few short term contracts/temp work. Talked my way into another tech gig…

1099 still, Obamacare, where’s my corporate bailout? You’d still send me to die in some oil field so your bro GW can get his fat oil stocks. Well, at the new gig-loose lips sink ships…

I revealed how I find my leads. I just go to a competitors website, look at their references, call ’em up, innocently ask who they are using (already knowing the answer.) Most hang up the phone. But a few, they say they ain’t happy. I play caring psychologist for 5-10 minutes, let them whine and cry. If they stop, say “please do go on” like a gossip hungry journalist. If the call lasts for more than 15 minutes, then I know I got a deal that’s 60-90% likely to close.

I probably shouldn’t have said that infront of the “genius” software engineer guy. He gave me a dirty look like the white knight who hears the PUA brag about sleeping with married womyn while her hubby’s out on deployment.

What’s the difference between me and a whore? Well, at least when the whore isn’t fucking some manblob like Forney/Futrelle whose hygiene is almost as disgusting as his manbobage or some middle aged sociopath like Hugo Schwyzer, she can lie back, close her eyes and pretend the sorry sap giving her half a week’s pay is someone she’d actually like to fuck and have a few orgasms…

4 thoughts on “the “morality” of the disposable.

  1. Of course you have inherent value…just about everyone does. You have value because you are a thinking, feeling, sentient being.

    Relying on others to “give” you value (whether it be a woman, a man, an employer, a parent, a teacher, a spouse, etc) is folly. *You* have value because you’re you. How much value do you have?

    Heh, that’s going to be dependent on how you define it.

  2. I’m rich as you know, and money isn’t as big a help as you might think it is. Sure having money is better than not having money, (I wouldn’t ever say otherwise) but in the end the only real power it gives me is the ability to buy guns and hire lawyers. The problem is that money is useless in the face of political power. I have money, but women have political power. This is the reason why I still fear that the police are going to break down my door and haul me off to prison on a woman’s say so. Because I lack political power, all my money can’t do anything about it.

    1. you can visit hookers in exotic locals…

      If I had cash I’d hit Amsterdam and all the other great places. But as I said before, I’d probably get distracted, forget to keep my eyes on the prize and the sex vacation would turn into a drug vacation….

      also, it’s nice t have a stockpile of cash because you can opt out of the workforce…

      1. I don’t dispute that. I’m certainly not going to give up my money. That said money can’t guarantee my freedom (my desire to leave for the stars notwithstanding). Even if I was a billionaire (and I’m far from that), the government is a multi-trillionaire in income alone and a quadrillionaire or a quintillionaire in assets. Since the government is effectively a super mangina, my money can’t guarantee my freedom.

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