My feelings on S&M&M’s….

Okay, so this is something lots of people are talking about all over and S&M seems to be the new normal…

Except to me it always was and always will be weird….

I saw that movie Zero Dark Thirty awhile back and I got really angry during the torture scenes. I mean, like I felt like walking out of the theater, yelling,screaming and punching…

To use a word feminists use, it was “triggering.”

My mommy, a feminist, slapped me around when I was a youngster. I’ve been in a few fights growing up. Being hit isn’t sexy. Being hit doesn’t give me a boner. And, you know what, hitting is almost as terrifying as being hit. Fuck you to all those feminists and M(h)RA’s who would simply throw me in the “abuser” box simply by being a low status male–then throw me in the “prude” box because I don’t like S&M.

I went to a “sex party” one time. A larger woman, or as they are now commonly referred to as BBW’s, was walking around half naked. She handed someone a flooger. They hit her, she made a sound like she was being fucked. They hit her again, she screamed in pain, then said “Harder.” I was feeling really nervous. The flogger was being passed around and was passed to me. I half assedly flogged her. She said, “You hit like a girl, C’mon, give it to me good, stud.”

I just gave the flogger to the next person and walked out of the room. I felt a bit sick to my stomach. It took me a little while to figure out why I felt that way. It was the same feeling I would feel when I saw a pet owner scream and hit their puppy for a minor infraction. It was the same feeling when I saw a parent slap and humiliate their child for a minor infraction. It was Shame. Why did I feel this? Call me a white knight, but there was one part of my brain, one part of my soul telling me that I needed to step in and say what was happening was wrong. I was supposed to yell, “Hey, tough guy/tough girl, there you go hitting a kid or a puppy to show whose boss. Why don’t you try that shit on me? We both know it ain’t gonna end so good for you.” And, what did I do, I kept my head down and walked the other way. Stay out of the affairs of strangers another part of my brain told me. And I did. And my stomach felt sick. And my soul felt tired.

Yet, I’m “supposed” to listen to “men” like David Futrelle who think I should be “sex positive” and pay a dominatrix to humiliate me. But in his view I’d be an oppressive misogynist if I paid a conventionally attractive woman for penis in vagina sex, no hitting and maybe a massage. What kind of fucking world are we living in?

3 thoughts on “My feelings on S&M&M’s….

  1. Oh, Stoner…I’m sorry you went through that. Nobody should be shamed for not enjoying a sexual activity, or for having a strong sense of morality. I say this with all honesty: You are a wonderful person.

    As you know, I enjoy partaking in light bdsm play. But I’m not a part of the “community” or public/group “scenes”. Sex has always been a very intimate and private activity in my mind, kept between partners who care about one another and have each others satisfaction, pleasure, and safety as the cornerstones of their time together. I use bdsm to help control my body’s pleasure…my lover uses it to enjoy a more dominant role-play than we typically engage in. Our safe words are always respected and well defined, we never do anything that truly causes pain, and it’s understood that this is naught but a game. It never, ever carries over into real life, regardless of who took what role.

    The idea of having numerous partners in a bdsm situation skeeves me out, frankly. The level of trust required for such sex just cannot be found in a room of strangers. What if you did as that woman asked, and really laid into her with the flogger? You don’t know her from Eve…you haven’t a clue what her threshold is, or if she had a previous injury, or even exactly how hard she wanted it. Saying “harder” to someone you’ve just met is, quite simply, an utterly moronic thing to do. You were right to walk away from people who have no respect for themselves or others.

    1. I’m actually glad I went through that specific experience as I know where my personal boundaries are and there is no confusing the matter.

      As far as BD&SM. I have two sets of feelings on the matter. IE it is not the governments place to tell someone what to do in the bedroom (political.) But I won’t engage in it (personal.)

      I suppose your feelings may be similar to drugs. IE you said you wouldn’t get involved with someone who uses. However, you can hopefully appreciate that I have used mushrooms, enjoyed it and see it as a positive addition to my life and none of the governments business if I want to alter my brain. I see my right to psychadelics as a right on par with life, liberty and pursuit of happiness.

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