Another way to describe the friend zone – or why “friendships” with women will be negative for low status men…

Imagine you are a guy who just finished college, have a lot of debt and live in a city with a high cost of living.  You have a low paying entry level job and you are barely keeping your head above water.  You get invited for drinks by a guy your age.  He went to a better school, didn’t finish.  But his dad pulled some strings, he got a good job.  He showed you his “spring break” pics.  This guy lives large.  There’s probably a trust fund there.  You could go to the bar with him, networking and all that.  He’ll probably cover the first round too.  But you know that you’ll be expected to pay a large tab at some point.  His tastes aren’t exactly “budget dive.”  Sure, you could splurge, there’s still open credit on your card even thought you’ve surely but slowly been paying it down.  And that savings account you started a few months back, not quite up to $250 and at this rate it’ll be over a year before you get to that “safety cushion grand.”  You could raid that as an emergency beer fund, couldn’t you?

This guy doesn’t get that you live in the dodgy but slightly arty part of town because that was the only place you could find where it was under a grand for rent.  He thinks you are just some kind of hipster wanna-be. He thinks that you drive that old pick-up because vintage is in.  Doesn’t realize it was all you could afford with your graduation money and it seemed better than getting locked into a car loan.  He doesn’t realize that you ride your bike to work 3 days a week because the pickup needs probably about $2000 in work just to be safe and those tires are worn down to the tread.  If you ride you bike to work 3 days a week, you only have to put $20 in gas and you can make that last a whole ten days.  He thinks you are just being “green,” you liberal, you…

In short, the reality of your situation is something he will never understand.  So you politely decline the night out and say you gotta have a clear head for tomorrow’s workday.  Maybe next time, though…

Do you see the inequity of this situation???

Okay now there is something called Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs

–physiological needs come at the bottom of this pyramid.  This is food water, and yes, sex.

–Next comes safety and security.

–After that, friendship and love.

If you accept this model (and there is certainly an argument to be made that this is flawed or not a be-all-end-all model of human life.)

Well, if you do accept this model, then you might start seeing where I am going.  A woman seeking “friendship” with a low status man is seeking higher things on the pyramid, perhaps safety that might come from being seen in public with him.  She may complain to him that she easily gets Mr. Right now on Tinder but where is her Mr. Right?  She might complain of the wage gap and talk about equal work for equal pay.  But where is her “egalitarianism” when she expects the man to pay for the first date.  Where is her “egalitarianism” when men are expected to make the first move in romantic courtships and also navigate extremely confusing and contradictory social cues.

This “relationship” will be on an unequal footing.

Just like “drinking with the rich guy.”

Just like the employer-employee relationship.

Maybe you are stuck with the inequitable employer-employee relationship.

But why are you choosing the other two?

2 thoughts on “Another way to describe the friend zone – or why “friendships” with women will be negative for low status men…

  1. There is also the question of what you get out of a friendship.
    There is nothing “cynical” about this question. If you get emotional support out of it or someone you can trust enough to tell him your actual opinions and observations (about women, for instance), you’re getting A LOT. (I mean, if you read this you probably have hardly any people in your real life (if you have anyone at all) you can trust enough to tell them your actual opinions about females and the gynocracy we’re living in.)

    But what can you get out of a friendship with a female? A person you can trust? Someone you could openly talk about without having to use filters? Someone who would support you if you’d hit rock bottom or would need money or a place to sleep or whatever? You can bet with 99% confidence that the answer to all these questions is NO.

    Females often say that men are too shallow and don’t care enough about female’s inner values – and this superficial fixation on a female’s sexuality would make them fear the dreaded “friend zone.” If they weren’t so sexist, their reasoning goes, they would be fine with being friends with a female without wanting to fuck them.

    But the thing is: more and more men hate women BECAUSE they care about their inner values!

    Women are selfish, egocentric, hypergamous, hypocritical, cold, slutty, materialist, bitter and therefore they don’t have anything other to offer to men than sex. Men would be fine with an average-looking women if she had something else to offer, like being a warm, supportive, humorous person that can cook or something. But women don’t have all these qualities, so men, logically, just care about their bodies and, logically, don’t see much of a reason to be friends with them.

    You also wouldn’t be friends with a MAN you can’t trust, who doesn’t support you, who doesn’t allow you to say what’s on your mind, who is intolerant, who just wants stuff from YOU, etc.

  2. I really like this analogy.

    I think it does a good job of highlighting why “the friend zone” is so dissatisfying in a way that might be palatable enough for mainstream. It took me until my senior year of college to realize that the “friend zone” is really the “pseudo friend zone.”

    In every case I’ve experienced, these women offered me very little as a friend. With these people, I spent 90% of the time offering them emotional support, helping them with some chore, or serving as a nearby buffer they could call on to help them get rid of a guy, even if it compromised one of the few opportunities I had where a woman showed interest. In fact, I noticed that there was a high correlation between some other girl showing interest and my “friend” suddenly needing to be rescued from a guy.

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